My friend called me today, devastated because his new girlfriend told him she needs some time off and that it?s best if they are not in touch for a while. It might be the best decision, or it might just be her anger or fear speaking for her, I don?t know but, as I was talking to him, I said something that got me thinking later on.
I said: ?You might be destined for each other; the perfect match, but it all depends in the end, on how much are you both willing to do for the sake of your love. There are always some issues; always some differences and obstacles? and, it can be a perfect love, but it will die when you or her are not willing to make a step forward.?
?Even perfect love dies, my friend? ? I told him ? ?when fear takes over.?
The conversation went on, but my mind grabbed this sentence and would not let go. I wrote it down and I knew it will pull me in. Why is it that even a perfect love dies? Why is it that sometimes, even if you feel that this person next to you is the one… the right one to share your life with, you still find yourself unable to let go of your pride or fear? Even if you know that what your love is asking from you is right in every sense of the word, you still fight and struggle to keep things ?your way?. When you look at yourself? and I mean really look at yourself, you know what you must do. You are aware of all your issues and fears and you know that you have to let them go, four your own sake. But when it is asked of you to do so, some strange resistance appears.
She wants to change me, you tell yourself. He should love me as I am, she thinks.
Life brings obstacles so your love could remove them. It is as simple as that.
Who cares what your parents will think of him ? you love him and they will have to accept that! She lives abroad and you should move if you want to be with her? New language; strange environment? leaving all your friends behind? Who cares ? you love her! He likes to live in flats while you adore houses? Trivial, as long as you are together!
I believe that love can overcome any obstacle. I believe love is a push we all need to become better. Love is that force that makes us do things we would avoid otherwise. It is what pushes us forward when we want to turn back to ?safety?. It is that persistent voice inside your head telling you to call her back and apologize.
It is the very core of us and it is here to make us better!
Of course it?s not easy. All good things must be fought for! We struggle to keep our concepts even though we know there is so much to learn from that other person. We do it because it?s easier to stay the same? it?s easier not to be challenged and it is certainly easier to hold on to our little version of ourselves be built inside our heads. It is easier to say: ?Oh, she should love me as I am!? than to look at ourselves and realize that she is right actually.
We are nothing if we don?t learn and change, every single day, that?s all I can say. We can choose to simply exist and have it easy or we can really live and go through the tough days knowing it?s for the best and it?ll be worth it in the end.
So, love is an invitation and a reward at the same time. You fight and change and compromise and cry and run and come back not really knowing why; but, once your head rests on his shoulder you don?t doubt it for a second.
The moment you lose yourself in his embrace and feel safer than ever before is worth the artificial discomfort you went through. The smell of her hair and the touch of her lips on your neck; the look of admiration in her eyes when you protected her in front of everyone? small things that erase every bad thing that happened before!
Those moments reveal our true nature. And you now it?s worth it.
And yes, sometimes it just doesn?t work. Sometimes we are not ready to make a step forward. Sometimes we just can?t. And love dissolves into something else; becomes smaller than our fears and doubts. It can happen and it?s nobody?s fault!
You did as much as you could at that particular time. You should not lose yourself. Your dreams should become stronger and he/she should support you and help you. You should never give up on your dreams and ambitions and love that asks that from you is not a real love anyway.
Real love makes you both stronger and it makes your dreams palpable. It helps you to reach out and grab them. If you feel your dreams were all scarified in order to make your relationship work ? you made few steps to many and you have to back out before you become a stranger to yourself. Losing your own nature for the sake of another doesn?t do any good to neither of you.
And in the end, it is all about what we are willing to do. You make a step and she makes a step. It doesn?t work if only one of you makes those steps every time, it will only lead to disaster.
You fight, yes. You compromise, yes. You offer your hand. You try? you show the good will and love to make that step and the patience to wait for hers. You are there for her, knowing she will be there for you as well, even if you will never ask that of her.
One step each, and like that towards forever.
And the perfect love doesn?t have to die.