It was late when I spotted her for the first time. The party way winding down, small groups of people leaving to places with more late-night appeal; half-finished wine glasses everywhere. I was quite tired by that point, I never wanted this party, let alone in my own flat, but my agent talked me into it. It is not every day that your book joins the bestsellers list, he said, you need to let people know how happy you are about it.
I wasn’t happy, or unhappy… I just didn’t care. The book was my manifest; a story that was pressing down on me for years. It was something I had to write to keep my sanity. No one understood my sadness, no one cared enough to get close enough and break through. And I didn’t care. The book was meant for one person only. I didn’t know who she is. I didn’t know where she might be. A love letter in a form of a bestselling book was the only way I knew to reach her.
I didn’t care about this party, but I went through it, smiles, charm and all. I played my role good, I’ve been doing it for years now; hoping for someone to dig deeper.
Through the haze of sweet wine and the murmur of the dissolving crowd, I noticed a strand of her hair, falling carelessly over her shoulder. She was standing across the room, her back leant against the wall. She looked incredibly out of place and yet somehow absolutely at home. There was something so familiar in the way that strand of hair touched her shoulder, I couldn’t stop staring. Something shifted within me, changed me in an instant, as if the veil has been lifted within my mind. Rising tide of sadness that hit me took me by surprise. I needed to be alone, so I muttered some excuse and ran upstairs to the bedroom. I sat on the floor by the bed, wondering what is this that’s taking hold over me. AÂ bridge was forming within my mind; a bridge to a thousand years of sorrow I could not understand or accept.
Has my life not been sorrowful enough? What is this? Whose were these emotions, these memories infesting my own? Without realizing it, I started crying, suddenly aware that my search was much longer than I thought. At that moment the doors creaked silently. I didn’t care, whoever it was will probably be wise enough to just leave me be.
Instead, someone sat next to me. I felt her hair touching me before she spoke.
– You feel it too, don’t you? – she said, piercing me with a whisper.
I looked up and our eyes met. The world ended, and begun again, all within a breath. I knew those eyes, I loved the person behind them, always did. Our fingers intertwined, pushed by an invisible force that shaped our lives for longer than we both remembered. I held her hand, realizing I have never let her go. Life in and life out, for a thousand years, we have been searching for one another, inevitably dancing the karma dance, pulling us closer, then further apart. In an instant, I became aware of meanders of lifetimes, joining in and pulling apart, inevitably rushing towards the same ocean. Everything that happened, every decision I made in the last thousand years was made to bring me closer to this woman here and make my soul complete again.
All my sorrows, every heartache became palpable and clear, so naturally obvious to me now. There was nothing wrong with my heart; it was not cold and empty. It just belonged to a specific person I haven’t met in this lifetime, until now. I had no choice, but to find only emptiness in the relationships I tried to maintain. It was all so clear to me now – I lived Love once before, so how could I be content with anything else, ever again?
We fell into an embrace, like leafs falling to the ground, gently fading into one another. My head found its home on her shoulder and hers on mine. Lifetimes have passed by, everyÂ thought I had of her, every unrecognizable, nameless longing; every heartache, all taking form, unifying with my thoughts now; her form. I inhaled and recognized her scent as mine. My tears streamed down her shoulder as I felt hers on mine. Just like us, they will meet in an ocean one day, inevitably. We have been those tears, I realized, as we all are.
I held her tight, and she held me, unwilling to let go ever again. No faith, no future, nothing will separate us again. We are one now.