I woke up into the night’s deepest darkness.
I dreamed. You are gone and I’m forever alone. For thousands of days we shared our breaths and I have never had that thought, but now, after this dream, it’s impossible to ignore it. What am I without you? What is Life without someone who defines you? The very thought of it filled my chest with painful, burning void. Is that it – is that void what defines me without you? My breathing fastened as the void grew, like a vortex of pain and meaningless suffering, destroying me from the inside out. The darkest places inside of me grew darker, merging, growing, destroying. My lungs burned in acid breaths, my mind raced in panic. Without you, I’m this? Without you, Life is Hell? I had no strength to think, no power to fight. The fear consumed me, rendered my whole existence meaningless. I opened my mouth in a silent scream. I don’t want this! I can’t!

I screamed.

– Hey, hey.. wake up, baby… you’re ok, it’s just a dream.. just a dream, sweetie…

I opened my eyes. The sun was just rising, peeking up above the waves. The beach in front of the house started turning morning red, all empty and peaceful… as it does every morning. I turned my head and faced her smile. The tears streamed all on their own as I smiled. She touched my face all worried and loving, gentle touch of a lover devoted. She leaned forward and kissed the tear trail under my eye.

– All better? – she asked, with a smile that always makes everything better.

I nodded, laid my head on her shoulder and held her tight with both arms wrapped around her. She adjusted her position and hugged me tighter.

The void was no more.


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