An ocean of gratitude

I lay there in the dark, lost within that Ocean of gratitude within me, perplexed and happy; in awe and in wonder. Just a thought, a gentle, quiet reminder of the Love that overflows within me sends me soaring to new heights. It is a peaceful kind of excitement, knowing, finally knowing the Path that offers itself in front of me. Not knowing the details of the path or events that will come and spice it up; just Knowing the path is here, offered, deserved and welcomed with gratitude.

I’m amazed by the amount of love that keeps spilling out of me, with every breath, in every imaginable way. My chest hurts from trying to contain it within, although I know it isn’t possible. The feeling keeps expanding, increasing in intensity and quantity, and there is nothing to do but allow it.

Where does it come from? Have I been keeping it all in, accumulating it all along? Has it been hiding, blocked by some idea, fear or concept I’ve been holding on to? Have I just now learned to feel it, to allow it to overwhelm me and render me happy?

A smile whispers the truth and flow of the warmth from within my chest confirms it. It can’t be explained with words or contained by thoughts or understood by the mind, so I just continue to smile, unable to stop it anyway.

I am loved. I was always loved. Nothing that ever happened to me, nothing I’ve ever experienced was outside that love. I knew that… I thought I understood that, but it feels so clear now, so obviously present, palpable almost, as if it is something physical the fingers could touch.

I was led, every second of my life, towards this moment, and those that will follow now.

The realization almost takes my breath away. I was groomed, prepared, trained by every experience, every heartbeat; every conversation, every book read, every road traveled. The pull that took me further and further away from the entrenchment of a “comfort zone” most of us live in brought me finally to this converging point, where many of my roads meet.

I wouldn’t be able to feel this much a year ago. I wouldn’t know how to allow it, how to accept it. I would resist it, question it, unable to exist in this much love. I wouldn’t know how to breathe all this love, let alone thrive in it, expand it, multiply it, give it back so more could be given to me to experience and expand even further.

But Love is nothing if not patient; nothing if not caring and protective, soft and thorough. It just surrounds us quietly, until we are ready to feel it and accept it. Then it just reveals itself in one form or another, and our very soul responds.

My soul expanding in happiness and joy – this is what I feel now, in the middle of the night, motionless and quiet. The body reacts, the breath quickens, the tears of gratitude roll on their own, until there is nothing but an Ocean of Gratitude I happily drown in, finally aware, finally Home.