I will rise through this pain, learn from it and never let it close my heart. I will not choose the easiest path out but rather find my way through it, knowing it has something more to show me. Even if it’s not clear to me at this moment, even if tears blur my vision and pain presses down on my chest, I know there is a reason and a path for me to see hidden within these wounds. All my senses disagree, but I know they are nothing but a signal light; symptoms, not the problem itself.
I will use this loneliness to get to know myself better, to acknowledge the scars I hid deep within and forgotten, or wanted to. It might not be pleasant, and I do wish it gone, but if it’s here, it simply means to remind me that I shouldn’t feel alone in a world where everything is connected. And if I do, it’s only because I haven’t opened enough, and no one else can do this for me.
Love that I desire, I will somehow give to myself, until the right person comes, until I’m ready for Her and She is ready for me. Painful as it may be, I will not close my heart nor protect myself from these emotions. They are nothing but waves that eventually retreat back to the ocean they belong to. I will endure.
I will rise through these moments, heavy as they may be, as a better me, more true to my original nature than ever before; lighter, stronger, more loving. Even now, I have Faith. Even now, I feel its whisper deep within my cells, smiling at me in the silence between the thoughts. The louder voice that keeps shouting and aims to make me feel even worse I will smile at, having heard it many times before. It never brings anything more than momentary distractions and empty promises. I will overcome.
I do not run from what I feel, I do not hide behind walls of lies and self-deceits, seductive as they may feel at this moment. I willingly go through this with full awareness and consciously keep my heart open, because I don’t want to go over this again and again, as I did in the past. I see now that ignoring the emotions didn’t bring clarity or absolution. Running away from hurt only brought more of it later on. And one is never ready enough. No moment is the right moment to face these things, so I might as well just face them now and move forward lighter, stronger but more loving, not less.
One step after another, even if I can’t see a path I’m walking. With as much Grace and Trust as I can muster, I allow Faith to guide my way, trusting and doing my part; every day a hundred percent, whatever it might be at any given moment.
As always before, I will rise, and so can you.
.
.
.
(original photo by frank mckenna on Unsplash)
