I wanted to write about heartbreaks, but as usual, I had a difficult time focusing on the superficial symptoms and felt myself turning towards the root causes instead. What causes that pain, that sorrow when a relationship breaks, when a partner leaves, when something that lasted for whatever amount of time suddenly is no more?
As usual with human emotions, it is the feeling of loss. We had something and we lost it. But with so many people struggling to even find a decent relationship, doesn’t it make sense that we would be happy we did, even if it ended? Like with anything else in life, we came to this world alone and with nothing, so the only thing we actually can collect and take with us are the experiences.
And that got me thinking. We cry because someone we love(d) left. We are in pain because the person that was closest to us is and will no longer be by our side. No more moments shared, no more laughter, no more intimacy.
The problem here, a great misunderstanding is that we think that person was a gift from God. We associate everything good, all the beautiful moment and memories, with the person we had them with. As if they themselves brought those moments. But that’s not true.
The TIME with that person was a gift, the person was just a box the gift arrived in. So in the end, we cry about the box, but the gift has already been received and it can never be taken away from us. Everything enjoyed, everything learned; every kiss, touch, look and kind gesture, all deeply imprinted into the fabric of who we are. Even if we wanted to forget the person, we can never forget the experience and everything we learned along the way. And how we changed, most importantly. Meeting someone opens us, makes us believe again, softens us up, at least to that one person.
To learn to love one person is to gain the ability to love everyone.
The gift was received, and everything that person could have given us has been given. And everything they could have taken has been taken also. And that person, that proxy for the gift of Life, needs to go away, one way or another. It is nothing but Life renewing itself, opening up new avenues we need to experience.
The moment a couple stops growing, or they grow too far in opposite directions, it is God’s promise to make sure at least one of them grows higher, for we are nothing but dandelion seeds of God’s desire to rejoins us with our true selves again.
But, in our bitterness or pain, we want to erase it all; we even regret it happened in the first place. We focus on the false feeling of loss and hurt it manifested. We make a story out of it. Suddenly, love is pain, the opposite sex is all bad and life is nothing but a series of painful relationships. And in that pain we magnified beyond measure, we forget every beautiful moment or, even worse, those very moments become a reason for more suffering.
We, of course, should not ignore the emotions. We should acknowledge them, respect them and treat them with love.
I know it hurts. I hear you… it will pass, I promise.
We treasure them, not as a sign that something was bad and somehow wrong, but as indicators that something was. The minds will want it forever because it doesn’t want anything to change. The heart remembers only the perfect bits and feels that is where it belongs, so it longs for those moments because it is in its nature to reside in Love. The body aches because it remembers the touch, the passion, the physical connection that feels ever-binding.
This is all normal. But we should not make a story out of these emotions. We should not constantly renew the pain and turn it into suffering. Yes, take some time, grieve, hurt, cry. But step out of it when it’s done and remember God makes no mistakes. Whatever happens, happens for the good only. There will be a subtle whisper telling you to move on, reminding you of billion different paths that lay ahead. Don’t silence that voice with your memories. Accept its message, it is You talking, anyway. Walk forward, your pain will subside with every step, it’s a promise.
A million warm hugs for anyone that needs some love right this moment..
***