It is this helplessness I feel that hurts the most. This feeling that there is nothing I can do or say. This feeling that everything, my whole future lies in your hands and I can?t influence your decision. There is nothing to repair, no war to fight, no words to say.
I can’t even hug you, or look at you. You won’t even see my tears. You won’t be able to see the look in my eyes and feel how much I care. I can’?t touch you. I can’t make you love me and I can’t make you trust me over your fear. And this feeling of helplessness hurts. I have never dreamt of it. I have never had a thought of something so beautiful being a part of me for a short while and then taken away so suddenly. Did I say something, do something wrong? I would give a world for you to be here now. I would do anything for you to wipe my tears away now, softly and with tenderness I have never felt before I’ve met you.
But you are not here and I can’t look at your eyes and feel blessed and happy to be alive… finally happy. I have tasted something; touched something I have been dreaming of all my life. And I got it right at the moment I was about to give up on it forever. One soft word before I fell asleep and one brave, unexpected message on my phone and life got a heart again. One visit and one bus ride and I’ve surrendered completely. And it felt so perfect. Your love felt so perfect.
There was no chance to tell you that I’ve missed you so much it hurt sometimes. I had no time to tell you that you are already a part of me, so tender and so precious I will never give it up. Whatever happens, I will keep that part and remember how it felt. I’ll remember your lips on my eyelids and your touch; so soft it melted all my walls in an instant. I’ll remember your smile and that sparkle in your eyes I love so much. I’ll remember that one night. No one can take that away from me. No sorrow can make me forget.
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If you have someone you love, hold that person tight, squeeze him/her to the point it hurts. No need to speak, just look at him/her in the eyes and let the emotions flow… you never know when you’ll be robbed of that sight and that touch. Soak in every line on their faces, every single small mark, everything that makes them so special to you. Imprint that in your brain! Remember! It might save you when you’re apart and you feel torn inside, missing her/him. It might protect that warmth that suddenly appears when you’re thinking about that person and she/he is not next to you. You’ll be able to close your eyes and re-live some moments that are more precious than anything else you’ll ever go through.
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