Imagine a life without hurt. A life without heartaches, where everything always goes our way and we never get to feel any painful emotions. We are never lonely, everyone always understands us perfectly and everything just flows. Who are you in that life? Would you even be who you are now? Would you be as strong, smart, independent, brave? Yup, probably not. That’s why such a world doesn’t exist. The entire System is created not for our comfort, but for our growth.
Failures are part of our successes. Pain is a part of healing. Not having something is what creates a drive to go and get it. Falling teaches us to get up and push harder or to stop and try it differently. And yes, it hurts. Sometimes, more than we think we can handle. But it’s ok, we always find out we can, so don’t run from it.
We can’t selectively turn of feelings or emotions. We can’t say “I want to feel love, but not ever experience heartache” or “I want to be happy, but never feel sadness”. It’s life – these things are two sides of the same coin, they always come hand in hand.
When you close your heart to pain, you close it to joy, too. When you protect yourself, build walls so that no one can hurt you, no one can really love you either.
We keep repeating the same patterns, attract the same type of relationships, and then blame everyone else for the pain that comes when things fall apart. It’s just life trying to point to something within us we need to observe and clear. It’s not that all men are bad or relationships suck, or even that you suck at relationships, as your overprotective mind immediately tries to paint it.
That pain is just a way to make sure you notice the message – something within us needs to change, grow, evolve.
But we don’t change, do we? We change our views of the world, we change our perception of reality rather than changing ourselves. We make our idea of the world bend and shift to fit with our misconceptions. And we do it again and again, until how we see the world becomes a firm, solid form almost impossible to change now. And that difference between how we want to see the world (to avoid confronting the pain and misconceptions we accumulated) and what the world truly is like creates friction. That friction creates a constant flow of events, people and experiences that are meant to open our eyes and nudge us back to our true selves.
Instead, we close up firmly and pretend we don’t care, we fake unattachment, we hold the mask that hides what we truly feel – pushing those emotions deep under our mental carpets, until it all piles up and becomes a big mountain of pain.
And even then we don’t open up. We find a way to deal with the emotion in the easiest, quickest way. We pop a pill, smoke something, get drunk, have sex with someone; or convince ourselves we are untouchable. It’s just an instant fix, and it doesn’t solve anything, but it still becomes a way of life, and we still don’t see what we’re doing as only a temporary distraction. And eventually, pills run out or stop working, smoking doesn’t help, alcohol ruins us. Heartless sex becomes a bore and self-affirmations fail us.
And it’s crazy to live that way, it’s wasteful and energy-draining. No one can sustain that forever, no matter how strong their minds might be. And, even if they could, why do it in the first place? Why invest so much energy in avoiding the potential pain, rather than learning how to deal with it if it comes, when it comes, truly and once for all. No avoiding, no blowing it out of proportions, no suffering.
Life is both pleasure and pain. It’s happy moments sprinkled with some unhappy ones. We either embrace it all and live life fully, or we don’t really live at all. Running away from potential heartaches is also running away from true love. Can you see that? Can you stop running? Can you have faith that you CAN handle any heartache, any pain that comes your way? Drop the resistance and fear, and it all becomes so much lighter anyway.
And with every heartache, your heart heals and becomes better, if you let it. Like the art of Kintsugi, a broken heart gains value, deepens its wisdom – and it can love more, accept more, live more. With every failure we experience, knowledge comes, stronger than any other, deeper than anything not experiences personally.
Keep your heart open, even after it was “broken”. Keep your spirit high even after you have failed at something. For that, you need to be honest with yourself. And you need to share how you feel with someone. There is always someone in your life who you can talk to, someone to hug. If not, talk to yourself, hug yourself, cry it out. But don’t hold it all inside. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Don’t act you are stronger than you really are, or that you care less than you do. You can’t lie to your True Self, so don’t bother trying.
Be who you are at this moment, knowing that every day you take another step towards your true potential. Embrace life in its fullness, it’s the only way to live.
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