There is a voice at the back of your mind – a silent, perpetual white noise under the layer of everyday thoughts. You’re not sure when it appeared there, or when you first became aware of it, but it is there now, and whenever you slow down and bring yourself to “now”, you feel it.
When you focus on it, it moves further away, not unlike a dream you know you should remember, because it feels so fresh in your mind, but when you reach for it, it vanishes. This voice doesn’t even feel like a regular thought, it is an intruder in the shadows of your mind because it doesn’t belong in your mind. It doesn’t feel right, but only because it makes all other thoughts feel out of place.
It feels more like an idea than a regular thought. A concept, a memory… a knowledge long misplaced among the current of thoughts, worries, and beliefs. Once you became aware of it, it is impossible to shake it off or forget it. It becomes a permanent, deeply embedded vague idea that somehow promises to explain the world, but always in the moment right after the now.
If you have that itch, taunting you under all the layers of what you think you are – appreciate it. It was there long before you took this form, and it will be there long after this form you’re wearing now dissolves and blends with the Universe again. If you are aware of it, it makes this lifetime precious and beautiful. If you are able to remind yourself of its presence, even when your own mind is a turbulent mess, you are amongst a lucky few, on an unavoidable path back to yourself. Love yourself for being aware of it, even if its true nature keeps evading you momentarily. You can’t force it, anyway. It will gradually expand to become a vague feeling of “there is more” and “these problems aren’t really a big deal” mixing in with the regular thoughts and worries and challenges, making them settle down faster. It will bring peace to you, even when you learn of its true nature someday.
It doesn’t ever go away, so no need to fear that. It can’t. No need to want to hold on to it. No need to do anything about it. Just be aware of it and slow down a bit if you feel it’s in hiding momentarily. It is a subtle, sensitive thing, but also utterly persistent and indestructible. It is as old as the Universe itself and one fragile human form will not do anything to it, even if you choose to ignore it consciously.
The beautiful thing is, once you became aware of that idea, of that presence between the fabric of your mind and your thoughts, you can’t undo it. Like seeing the flower for the first time, or your baby’s smile – you simply don’t know how you lived without the image of it before. It doesn’t expand you really, it is only a crack in the barriers your own mind places upon you. That’s why it troubles you – it promises everything without really showing anything. It wants you to take a leap of faith but offers no assurances in return. It whispers “there is more” in your inner ears, but doesn’t tell you what exactly is there. It touches your heart, making you feel, but forgets somehow to put it all in context.
It’s not a mistake. It is not a trick. That lingering idea awoken somewhere between your mind and your faith, is only a curtain slightly opened. It can’t take you anywhere, it can only ask you to look through. It can only move with the winds of your awakening, making you more aware of its presence. It is up to you to acknowledge it fully, step towards it, look through the crack and then open the curtain fully and abandon everything you thought you were, to became what you really already are. At your own pace and in your own time.
The Creation is funny that way – it only ever offers the bare minimum of what you need to make the next step. It is a love that knows no boundaries, allowing you to make the journey yourself, helping you enough to complete it, but allowing you to experience it, learn from it and take full credit at the journey’s end. What more could we wish for?
Regardless of where you are at the moment and how long ago you became aware of that lingering voice just outside the reach of your mind, be brave and thankful. You will forget about it from time to time, when your mind pulls you in its reality and everyday challenges, but just come back to it as soon as you can, remind yourself of its presence as often as you can, wonder about it as much as you can. Don’t try to understand it, but do allow its whispers to reach you. As much as you can, open yourself to it, or at the very least, don’t resist its existence. Just know that there is something just outside the reach of your mind, but now out of your reach. That will be the first big lesson learned, another step forward in an endless game of self-rediscovery.
Know that you are not alone on that journey, although you walk your own path, make your own experiences. Look around you and you will see a million souls walking right next to you, teaching you and learning from you, all at the same time. A hand of help is always extended and a smile of support always present. Know this, and you need not know anything else, really. Every step of the way is yours to make, but you were made in such a way that you CAN. Every minute you are taken care of. Work on untangling the knots of your own mind, and this will became as clear as day and as mysterious as a moonlit night. Every step in this direction you make, your feet will land on soft petals – the Universe made sure of it. You can.